Morning Miracle

This morning as I was desperately trying to wake up, which is always a burden after trying to give up the sleep aid in any form and giving in at 12:50am to something to help me sleep, I was blessed to find a little morning miracle.

I was internally fighting with duties to get up and "adult" with the warmth of my bed and of course the "snooze" won out.  8 more glorious minutes of snuggling under the covers. 

In an effort not to fall back to sleep I grabbed my phone and used the "snooze" to catch up on email, etc.  

When I did a quick catch up on Facebook (which thankfully reminded me I am hosting Bunco tomorrow night!), I came across an LDS Conference talk that my lovely oldest posted at some point last night when I was struggling to find sleep. 

So this morning as I was spending my furious and frazzled minutes (hey! Snooze is worth it!), trying to mask over the minimal sleep I had, I listened to the talk "Through Gods Eyes" by Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apsotles. 

What a beautiful talk and something I sooooooo needed to be reminded of. 

In the first part of his talk Elder Renlund talks about the fact that "The fulness of the gospel might be proclaimed by the weak and the simple unto the ends of the world."

He then talks about being one of the weak and the simple.  Wow.  If he is weak and simple, I'm not sure there is even a place on the spectrum for me.  But guess what.  Each day I do try my best.  Are some days better than others.  Ummmm....yeah....they are.  But I strive to live each day with my eyes set on the final destination and live a life that will help me get to where I have the potential to be. 

Elder Renlund then states "everyone we serve is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such,..has a divine nature and destiny."

I love this reminder.  I needed it.  Maybe we all do. 

Honestly seeing the good in others is something that is very easy for me to do.  I have been given a gift to see past the icky choices and wandering ways of so many in life....until it comes to someone that has affected me in a personal way.  And then its hard.  

Granted I'm pretty sure that's a normal feeling for any of us. 

I have recognized feelings of hate, anger, "I am better than," "you are so wrong,", jealousy, you name it...all the icky feelings for as long as I can remember.  It goes clear back to my first memory of jealousy at Leila Palmer who had beautiful hair and beautiful hair accessories when we were in the 2nd grade.  I had short boy hair.  I remember anger directed toward the person that sexually molested me as a very young girl.  At resentment at being in a lower middle class income bracket as a youth, and not being able to have the latest and greatest like so many of the people I went to school with.  

And truth is when I have those feelings, when I feel actions of others affect *me*, I kinda tend to not want to see the divinity in that person, but hold that anger, resentment, jealousy, etc. in my back pocket.  Like it's my power over the situation.  And in reality it's a really sucky power that I hold on to, and it does not bring peace.  Because in my heart I KNOW we are all divine.  And myself, just like everyone else on this planet, is not perfect.  We all do stupid shiz.  And Christ still loves us, and of course wants us to make amends and walk his path.  

I know I need to make amends.  I need to let the Atonement of Christ work in my life and let go of the feelings I have that are icky toward others from clear back to childhood, to present day.  To those whom are close to me and those that I have never even met. 

Learning more of the Atonement recently has been such a blessing in my life.  I love studying it from both the victim and perpetrator standpoint.  It's so powerful.  I've been blessed to be introduced to a book called The Promise of the Atonement, Cure for Broken Dreams by Ester Rasband. 

What a beautiful book.  I'm still not finished with it, and it's a really short book!  There is so much offered on each page to contemplate and figure out how to effectively apply to my own life, that I am savoring each lesson and striving to apply it to my own life.  

One of my favorite parts of the book talks about love.  It truly IS a choice.  Something we all have the power to let into our lives, and after learning from pages in this book it's clear to me how important that commandment is.  To love one another.  

In her book Sister Rasband says: “Although all of us struggle with obstacles before accepting the Atonement, it is absolutely necessary to give every effort to eradicating those barriers in our hearts if we are to receive the great blessing of “peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come.  Those barriers can only be torn down with love...Without love we are walled up from accepting any part of the Atonement.”

And yeah.  Some days are JUST NOT EASY to love.  And I reach into my back pocket and grip onto the icky feelings and focus on the negative, and natural man in others (knowing full well it rages in myself also), rather than seeing them as Christ does.  

Really.  What good does it do to focus on the negative and things you don't like in others.  To focus on the bad rather than accept and look for and help nurture the good.  It does no good.  At all.  And can even ruin lives.

I love this quote in the talk by Elder Renlund:  "...to effectively serve others we must see them through a parent’s eyes, through Heavenly Father’s eyes. Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul. Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. Only then can we sense the Savior’s caring concern for them. We cannot completely fulfill our covenant obligation to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort unless we see them through God’s eyes.3 This expanded perspective will open our hearts to the disappointments, fears, and heartaches of others."

I pray that with Gods help I can let go of the icky feelings I hold in my back pocket and to realize that true power lies in seeing others as He sees us.  And ya know, I guess it's just one day at a time that it takes to learn that as "right" as we think we are and as justified as we feel at keeping our back pockets full, there is a better way.  A more peaceful way.  His way.  And one day I'll get there. 

*Note - please ignore the wonky formatting.  I really am tired.  And I don't want to dig around in the code to fix it.  So it is what it is.  :)